I need to know if you’ll be okay,
and will you remember me?
You told me on that last day
that you’d miss me.
I don’t believe you.
I’ve tried to let it go,
to forget a love I never will.
You and I both know
that I’ll be the one standing still.
I need to know if you’ll be alright
and will you still love me?
You held me close and tight
and kissed me goodnight.
Did you mean it?
Moving on is the hardest thing
and forgetting is not choice.
Every single song I sing
I’ll remember you, I’ll remember you.
And every sleepless night I think of you
and remember, but I can’t decide what’s true.
Did you love me like you said?
Did you love me at all?
I will remember your face,
‘cause I am still in love with that place.
When the stars the only things we share
will you be there?
I’ve never really understood you, or the things you say, or why you do what you do. You never told me your secrets, or what weighs on your heart. But you’ve held me close, late at night, when I think of all the things that try to break me, and you kept me together. You made me feel safe, and you loved me. You listened to my whispers of life, dreams and hope, and of sadness and hurt. You made me laugh when I could hardly smile, and you kissed me gently, softly, but only when you knew I wanted it too; you didn’t push. I still remember all those nights, the only time we could be alone, and the way your fingers trailed across my skin, sending shivers through my body. You made me feel the way no one else could. We would be tired, but the time was precious, and so we forced our sleepy eyes to stay open. You would constantly keep reassuring me about myself, because you knew I was insecure. You were patient, and understanding. You made me feel important, and beautiful.
And now we’ve parted, and I miss you. I will miss you, and I’ll think about you often. Though we did things that we regret, I will never regret knowing you, or loving you. Maybe we’ll never see each other again, but we’ll always remember, and we’ll learn from what we did. We’ll learn to love, and grow, and care, more than we’ve ever before. And I know that we’ll be okay.
This place is unfamiliar. I have come and gone so many times, but this time, it’s different. I can’t call this home. I feel so far away from everything I know, and I’m scared. Of what, I’m not sure, but I feel empty; numb. Where am I now? Where will I go? All the things that made me feel safe are back there, the place I’ve left forever. Everything is just a memory. My room, the nights where I walked on the empty streets with the people I love, the smell, the thunderstorms; everything. I’m lost. I thought.. I thought I’d be happy, moving away. But I can’t stop thinking about all the things I had to leave behind, all the people I had grown to love and know and hold dear to my heart. Gone. I feel like half of me is missing, and I can’t ever get it back. All I can do is remake myself, but I’ll never be the same. I’ll always be missing something, someone. Peace seems so out of reach. I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to remember. But I can’t forget, I’ll never forget. I know that the only thing I need to do, is let go. And I’m scared.
aw.. thank you so much :)
But those kinds of goodbyes… they break your heart. They try to rip you apart, slowly. They are not kind. Goodbyes are never kind. They make you feel like a part of you has gone, and in a way, it has. For goodbyes to hurt that much, so much that you feel as if you might shatter, and the tears won’t stop coming.. that just means that you love that person. You love them with all you are. Unconditionally, and forever. Because when you truly love someone, you’ll never ever stop. And sometimes, that can be the hardest thing, if they don’t love you back. But never regret loving someone. It’s too precious a thing to be sad about. So maybe goodbyes aren’t as sad as they seem, because those people you hug at the airport, and cry with, and wave to as you walk through your gate, those are the people that you love. And nothing in the world is more important than that.
I remember you. And maybe that’s the saddest part, because remembering is for the past, for what once was. All you are is a memory.
“What if we’re all just fake? What if the words you see written by people are just… words, and that’s all? How can you know if someone is lying to you, or if someone really loves you? I don’t trust people anymore, and everyone wonders why. It’s because people aren’t trustworthy. They let you down far more than they help you up. The only way to survive in this world is to do it alone, and never rely on anyone.”
And you tried so hard to forget. You did everything you could. You stopped listening to the music he showed you, you stopped playing guitar, you stopped singing, you stopped writing, you stopped smiling.
You stopped doing everything you loved, because it all reminded you of him. The memories weren’t painful. It was the remembering of what once made you happy, of those precious moments where you let yourself love and be loved; that’s what hurt, because you didn’t have any of it anymore. You didn’t have him. He left you with a love that you couldn’t put anywhere else. And to love is to be vulnerable. So as the days and months went by when you pretended that you were okay, you were breaking inside; slowly, but surely. You just wanted to be strong… you wanted to be strong for not just yourself, but for him as well. You believed that you were ruining his life, his future, his happiness, so you set yourself apart. But you did it carefully, so that it seemed like it was just time that erased his love for you, and that your love for him was erased as well. You broke the bond that tied you to him, and you let him go. And the moment you did that, you broke. You broke, and you were never the same. You took your pieces and you put them in a box, and you locked it and threw away the key. You made yourself cold, granite stone, and you refuse to love again.
I don’t know what I’m feeling. I think I should be scared, and regretful, and maybe even sad. But the whole reality of it all hasn’t quite hit me yet… I’m still processing it. Or maybe I’m just avoiding thinking about it. I don’t know what to think. All I know is that I’m not the same, and never will be.
And… and I don’t want to lose you, but I understand if I do. I just pray that if that ever happens, I can look back on us without regret, and I can remember you without hurting. But if possible, can we just never lose each other?
